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An attempt at a freeform poem. 
24th-Feb-2010 09:18 pm
Avon's thoughts, right before Star One and his blow up at Blake.


Avon's Anger

I had a life
now I have none.
Only a ship
Stolen
From my grasp
A promise
To myself
Still waiting.

Dragged
Manipulated
With idiots
Led by a fool.

The instinct
to save
also works
with
a man
who does not think.
Can't think.
Irritating
pulling him back
endlessly.
Can't let him die.
Again
and again.
Damned instinct.

Betrayed by a master
pushed to obey
anger seethes
in me
I plan
ready
the refuge
wait for my time
and for yours to end
I am waiting

One more death will do it
I will take control

Your brand of arrogance
and idiocy
no longer amuses
it fills me
with anger
and hatred
a desire
to see you
no more.

Can't let him die.
But
now
don't want him to live
near me.
His face
fills me
with hate.

He sees this
finally.
How I
detest him.
No illusions
between us
Only parting
Only relief.

Insane dreams
Pointless
Blood
And violence
A fanatic
wading
in a sea of red.
I am drowning
in sickness,
in a disease
named Blake.

I had a life
now I have none
I am determined
to reclaim it
to tear it
from the grasp
of a madman
masking as
an honest man
I will live again
be happy again
to escape
this life of
darkness and endless violence
lies that never end
a bully masquerading
as a friend
used for
his political end

I will be
finally free.
Avon Angry
Comments 
25th-Feb-2010 03:37 am (UTC)
Anonymous

Enjoyed this.

Like reading his thoughts.

Yes, I know, they are really yours, pretending. Still...

His thoughts are satisfying.
25th-Feb-2010 03:40 am (UTC)
Thanks =) It is very satisfying hearing him in my mind ;)
25th-Feb-2010 11:24 pm (UTC)
Anonymous

Hearing him in your mind? How wonderful! His intonation and lower male register? Or similar sound as your thoughts?

I daydream plots, but dialogue does not happen. Any dialogue or monologue is forced and not automatic or flowing.

If dia- or monologue is natural and easy for you, how blessed.

My current plot or question, yes, I know, Gerreth? Thomas wanted to kill Blake, and probably PD said that he wanted to do it, but why the heck didn't Avon demand "Stand still!" instead of begging, and point his gun at Blake, even shooting a bullet into a chair or whatever to show he meant business? Also, how could Avon and all the others have dismissed Arlen with her gun trained on them? But I suppose that is some discussion somewhere which I have not discovered yet.

How do you get dialogue to happen?
26th-Feb-2010 01:17 am (UTC)
Fortunately for me, dialogue is very easy. It's details that are hardest for me. Avon in my head sounds just like in the series. The characters are so strongly established in my head that they almost take on a life of their own. They almost do their own dialogue and carry on conversations, either with me or with each other. It makes it very easy for me as a writer ;) I develop the scene, drop them in it and let them navigate the scene by themselves.
As for my explanation of what happened in the last scene...very long winded, sorry =)
The sequence went like this...yes, I am anal and have studied this scene in detail in preparation for writing ;)
- Avon enters and finds Blake's people trying to kill Tarrant, Soolin shoots the technician and saves Tarrant
- Tarrant tells Avon that Blake is there (Avon and Vila look at each other)
- Klynn, the female that Tarrant had knocked out earlier, comes to and calls for the guards
- Avon shoots her because she is a threat and she is too far for them to stop before she can call for more help
- Blake comes in with an armed Arlen, who points her gun at them the entire time
- Avon points his gun at Blake
- Tarrant tells them that Blake betrayed them all, including Avon
- at this point, after Tarrant tells them that Blake has betrayed him, Avon is still acting like a friend by pointing his gun down and away from Blake before asking if it is true (Avon is one of several chances that Avon gives Blake to answer and redeem himself)
- Blake's brilliant response is that, "It's me, Blake."

Well, that's just brilliant, Blake. Because given your track record, you have just admitted that you have betrayed Avon. Like all the other times Blake has betrayed Avon's trust and that of his crew. This man is so incredibly arrogant that one declaration that he's Blake must instantly make everyone accept what he does without explanation?

One other thing to note, this is the kind of dominance tactic Blake has practiced on Avon before. When Avon asks a question, he wants enough information so that he can decide for himself. Blake ignores his question and orders Avon around without explanations. What he is doing is expressing his dominance. He wants Avon to follow him just because he is Blake and orders him to. He does not want Avon to follow because it is Avon's decision based on information Avon has analyzed by himself. But Blake makes a big error here (what else is new?). He doesn't realize Avon is not the same man as before. If Blake doesn't answer his questions, Avon doesn't just get angry but do what he says. If Blake doesn't answer Avon's questions, there are deadly consequences.

Avon killed Blake because Blake was an arrogant moron who did not respect anyone else except himself or he would have answered Avon's real concerns. Either that or Blake was completely insane. How difficult is it to answer, yes or no?

- Blake moves towards Avon and Avon orders him to stand still and Blake does. Avon asks again if Blake has betrayed him (this is the 2nd chance Avon has given him).

Only a blind man or an idiot would not realize that Avon doesn't believe him and looks hurt. It's written clearly on his face. Some may say Avon should have read Blake's body language and realized what Blake's obscure answer meant. Well, what is Blake's excuse? Avon's language is clear in his words and on his face.
- Blake says that Tarrant doesn't understand (which makes Blake as much of a moron, even more now, than he was before). Of course Tarrant doesn't understand. He never understood Blake was a fool who liked to play games with other people's lives when it suited his goals. He should have asked Avon or Deva.
- Avon is hurt and says he doesn't understand.

(Poor Avon. I do believe he did love the bastard, just a little bit. And after Anna and Tynus's betrayal, and Blake's constant betrayals, Avon loses it.)

And what doesn't Avon understand? Hmm...how about Blake's people trying to kill his injured pilot?
And consider this. My guess is that every one of Blake's people they've come across have tried to attack Avon, just like they tried to attack Tarrant. Why do I say this? Because Avon didn't enter the complex with the long gun. He had to have obtained it in the base.
26th-Feb-2010 01:18 am (UTC)
Avon had no cause to go find the armoury when he was already armed. So they had to have got it from one of Blake's people who tried to attack them. Avon went there to obtain help from Blake. He didn't go there to hurt anyone. Nor did the others, but the first thing Soolin does when she sees someone trying to kill Tarrant, is shoot to kill. That tells me by the time they found Tarrant, something has happened to prime them to treat people on the base as hostile.

And...hmm whose fault is that? Hmm...BI? Big Idiot? Who didn't bother telling his own people that he was expecting a friend and maybe they shouldn't try killing Avon's people? Either Blake is an even bigger moron than he was before or he's completely insane.

Tarrant doesn't understand? Well, guess what, even after you explain what you did, Blake, I guarantee Avon would shoot you for being a callous, arrogant moron because even after the explanation, no one understands why you would do something so incredibly stupid and callous.
- Blake then says he set this all up. Ok, on a scale of 1 to 10 for stupidity, with 10 being so stupid that it can't be believed, Blake ranks 20.

It's clear Avon believes Blake would betray him and he's very hurt and now, with this response, there is anger on Avon's face when he says, Yes! and brings the gun back around to point at Blake.
What idiot, after his people try to kill Avon's people, would blithely admit he set this all up? You set up your people to kill Tarrant and call the guards on Avon and have your flunky, Arlen come in armed and pointed at Avon the whole time? Yes, what a brilliant answer.

And, I don't ever believed Blake set up the base and the army for Avon. What lie is this that he set it up for Avon? God, this man is unbelievable.

- It's at this point, when Blake goes towards Avon again and says, I was waiting for YOU. Ok, the stupidity just piles on, doesn't it. Blake was waiting for Avon? Wow, is that why you played that stupid game with Tarrant to make him believe that you betrayed them all?

Is that why you didn't try to stop your people from trying to attack or kill Tarrant? Because you knew Avon was coming and wanted Avon to see how Blake treats Avon's people? Is that why you never bothered telling your own people that a friend was coming and not to treat them like the enemy? Oh, yes, you were waiting for Avon alright. So that you could set up a scenario so that he would be so pissed off, he would kill you.

- Now, an angry Avon shoots him. But notice the look on Avon's face after the first shot, he looks at his gun, shocked. I don't think Avon intended to shoot him, but Blake's movement forward after Avon tells him to stay still, triggers Avon's automatic response.
- Blake moves forward again. Avon fires again, till looking shocked.
- Blake moves forward again and Avon fires a third time.
- This time, Blake stops but is still standing. The shocked look on Avon's face disappears, and his eyes narrow, as if wondering why Blake is not falling. Then Avon, deliberately and slowly brings his gun up to Blake's head, prepared to blow it off.
- Then Blake's knees buckle, he pushes aside Avon's gun and grabs his arm. Calling out his me, "Avon," before he falls. And Avon lets him fall, another shocked look on his face, as if he just realized he made a serious mistake and maybe Blake didn't betray him. Avon stands stunned.

In terms of Arlen, I think Avon did know Arlen was armed and never put her gun down the whole time. I think it added to Avon's belief that Blake was hostile and would harm them. Because Avon doesn't like killing generally. He never does unless he or someone else is in direct physical danger and he has to act. The only exception was with Shrinker. But I think Avon may have considered it retroactive for what Shrinker did to Anna.
26th-Feb-2010 01:18 am (UTC)
And for those who use this to point that Avon loved Blake. Compare it to Avon's response to someone he truly loved, Anna. When Anna tries to shoot him, Avon shoots her, ONCE, and then rushes to her side and holds her so that she won't fall to the ground and hurt herself. Blake? Avon shoots him 3 times and would have blown his head off if Blake didn't fall. And Avon lets Blake fall splat on the ground without lifting a finger. Anna betrays Avon, and Avon doesn't even get angry. He is very hurt but he forgives Anna and refuses to leave her dead body. With Blake? Avon gets angry and wants him dead.

I believe the only reason Avon was so shocked at the end and stood over Blake's body, after Arlen confirms that Blake was innocent, is that Avon made a horrible mistake and killed someone who was innocent. Avon cannot stand making mistakes and killing of innocents is not in his character. It shocks him. And he feels guilty and feels he owes Blake something, not to mention, Avon can't do anything else, he thinks he's about to die.

I highly doubt Avon's reaction was because he really loved Blake. I don't believe he ever did. A little yes.

Avon was too good a man to shoot Blake until after Blake's stupid answers and the whole moronic scenario Blake set up that provoked Avon into it.

Edited at 2010-02-26 01:21 am (UTC)
26th-Feb-2010 01:23 am (UTC)
If you want to see how the dialogues and characters work in my head...here's a good example. The Characters Dialogue Appendix at the end ;)

http://kalinda001.livejournal.com/354026.html
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