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You ever had those days when you wonder why you bother writing?… 
25th-Sep-2009 08:50 pm

You ever had those days when you wonder why you bother writing? Writing must be one of the most isolating things to do. Sitting in front of your computer, seeing words forming, but it's just you all alone.

You know people read, sometimes. But at others you wonder if they're all just a virtual illusion. Or dropping by just to humour you.

You write something funny and no one laughs. You write something sad and no one cries. You write something painful and there isn't even a prick of a reaction. It's as if no one feels anything. Either because they're not reading or, what you write doesn't even raise a flicker of an emotional response.

You draw a character lovingly, his emotions raw and exposed or unexpectedly tender but no one seems to notice. Or give him a rich, complex background and not a peep. Is it because its a character no one likes, they just don't agree with your portrayal, no one really cares or it's all been done before by other people who are better at it? It would be nice to know.

You write something to excite the senses and bring out the primal instincts, something sensual and enticing, but does it fall flat? Then why does no one say anything? Even a snicker would be nice.

But, don't mind me. I'm just depressed today. It seems to be going around. Maybe its catching. Still can't find a job. No one actually wants someone with experience. They're just looking for anyone who will be cheap. They see experience, 17 years, and run the other way.

Yeah, I worked my ass off all these years to get to a senior position only to get supplanted by someone who hasn't worked at all. This world sucks. Avon was right, money is the only reality. The corporate soul-less bottom line is what rules this world. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive and ignorant beyond belief.

I'm going to resend my resumes and studiously remove all references to Sr. Systems Analyst. Maybe I should put Jr. Coder? Would someone believe me? I can cut and paste with the best of them. I won't think or anything. I promise. Cause I know, thinking means I'll be out of their price range. Wouldn't want that.

Think I'll make myself feel better by doing a rant about Blake, the embodiment of an evil brainless bully complete with pasty smile and false words to fool everyone. But Avon always knew.

EDIT: On another forum everyone seems to be blowing up at each other over nothing at all. Do we all need a release of some kind? Is everyone depressed? What is going on today? Is a full moon hiding behind the clouds?
Kal Writes
Comments 
28th-Sep-2009 08:52 pm (UTC) - You are amazing.
Anonymous
You ever had those days when you wonder why you bother writing? Writing must be one of the most isolating things to do. Sitting in front of your computer, seeing words forming, but it's just you all alone.

No. We are here, eagerly awaiting!

You know people read, sometimes. But at others you wonder if they're all just a virtual illusion. Or dropping by just to humour you.

I was sick for 3 weeks with several diarheas. If you feel rotten, remember that your innards are not washing out no matter what you eat, and you can walk to the bathroom without fear of falling. Normal life is JOY!!

You write something funny and no one laughs. You write something sad and no one cries. You write something painful and there isn't even a prick of a reaction. It's as if no one feels anything. Either because they're not reading or, what you write doesn't even raise a flicker of an emotional response.

We laugh. You are just not an Auran to read us.

You draw a character lovingly, his emotions raw and exposed or unexpectedly tender but no one seems to notice.

I told you that that conversation between Cally and Avon was making me cry, that it was so beautiful it hurt, and you said nothing, too, so you are also guilty like us. Well, maybe you did respond, but I haven't looked lately. I am more interested in catching up on Avon.

Or give him a rich, complex background and not a peep. Is it because its a character no one likes, they just don't agree with your portrayal, no one really cares or it's all been done before by other people who are better at it? It would be nice to know.

I hereby peep: I like Sester, Argus, even the Wolf.

You write something to excite the senses and bring out the primal instincts, something sensual and enticing, but does it fall flat? Then why does no one say anything? Even a snicker would be nice.

We don't say anything because of limited time. Also, I am too scared.

But, don't mind me. I'm just depressed today. It seems to be going around. Maybe its catching. Still can't find a job.

I am so sorry about you not finding a job. Nine of us have either retired early or been laid off. The rest of us, the whole city, has taken a ten percent pay cut and the whole city gov. is closed Fridays. Lights are half off where I work.

No one actually wants someone with experience.

My brother is a computer genius. I found out that he dies his hair, so people think he is younger. They think college grads are more current?

They're just looking for anyone who will be cheap. They see experience, 17 years, and run the other way.

Yeah, I worked my ass off all these years to get to a senior position only to get supplanted by someone who hasn't worked at all. This world sucks. Avon was right, money is the only reality. The corporate soul-less bottom line is what rules this world. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive and ignorant beyond belief.

Well, to play the devil's advocate: I found out that you can send your income tax to be done by someone in.....India! Because it costs less.

I'm going to resend my resumes and studiously remove all references to Sr. Systems Analyst. Maybe I should put Jr. Coder? Would someone believe me? I can cut and paste with the best of them. I won't think or anything. I promise. Cause I know, thinking means I'll be out of their price range. Wouldn't want that.

Think I'll make myself feel better by doing a rant about Blake, the embodiment of an evil brainless bully complete with pasty smile and false words to fool everyone. But Avon always knew.

EDIT: On another forum everyone seems to be blowing up at each other over nothing at all. Do we all need a release of some kind? Is everyone depressed? What is going on today? Is a full moon hiding behind the clouds?

I read a study that showed that the statistics for human behavior did not change with the full moon. But if our library patrons are acting weird, it seems to be connected.

My heart is beating oddly, so I guess it thinks this is too confrontational.

Thank you for all your writing. I look forward to you every day coming to work. You are amazing.
28th-Sep-2009 09:04 pm (UTC) - Re: You are amazing.
Thanks for responding to my whining. You don't have to take it seriously, except the part about the job situation.

Sorry to hear you've been sick with diarrhea for 3 weeks. Ouch! Hope you're much better now.

Thank you for all your support, reading and comments. It's greatly appreciated and means a lot to me. Have you thought of getting your own LJ account? That way any replies I make to your comments will show up in a notice to your email. It would be easier to keep track of it. Just a thought.

Yes, the job situation sucks. We all had to take a pay cut several months ago. We were given the impression that it was so that people wouldn't have to be laid off. Well, guess what... The funny thing is, both when they made the pay cuts and when they started laying people off, they were still making billions in profit. PROFIT! Ok. I'm no math, accounting or economic genius but there must be a branch of higher management where that is a perfectly logical and moral thing to do during this tough economic times. Yes, lets add to the economic downturn by shoving more people out onto the streets just so that fat cats can earn their bonuses which are, surprisingly enough tied to share prices. Blech!
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