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Journal Entry: Management Speak 
14th-May-2009 11:36 am

Talked to the idiot manager today. More wasted hours of my day that I will never be able to get back. But on a bright note, completed the third rule of idiotic project management.

Crash Course in Management Speak

"I don't totally disagree with you, but..."   
                   translation  = You may be right, but I don't care. We're going to do it my way.
"You have to show some flexibility."   
                   translation = You have to do it  whether you have to or not.
"We have to leverage our resources."   
                   translation = You're working weekends.
"Wrong answer."   
                   translation = I don't care what the right answer is. You didn't tell me what I want to hear.
"We want you to be the executive champion of this project."   
                   translation = I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.
"I have never lied to you."   
                   translation = My definition of truth changes constantly.
"Human resources."  
                   translation = A bulk commodity, like lentils or troopers."

Avon Prisoner
14th-May-2009 08:34 pm (UTC)
We are all going to have to work harder = YOU are going to have to work harder. I'm going for coffee.

The company is making some cutbacks = I'm okay, but your salary is screwed.

Look at it as a challenge = It's [insert swear word of choice] impossible, so I'm making it your problem *smirk*
15th-May-2009 01:00 am (UTC)
Excellent ones.
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