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Avon is working (undercover) in my office 
6th-Feb-2009 09:18 am

This email was going around the office here and I just had to share it. I nearly did a double-take when I read it. Either Avon is working surreptitiously here somewhere or the one in my head has managed to access my keyboard while I wasn't looking and is emailing all my colleagues....and the response has been very enthusiastic. He has definitely hit a nerve.


(AVON'S) RULES FOR WORK

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.

2. If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.

3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.

4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs.

5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority. I am psychic.

6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.

7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.

8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.

9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.

10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.

11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to managers' hell.

12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.

13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating. With a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Avon_Suspicious
Comments 
6th-Feb-2009 02:39 pm (UTC)
Definitely spooky when the characters start getting out of your head.
6th-Feb-2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
It's also spooky when they're in my head sometimes and insist on helping me do things.
6th-Feb-2009 03:04 pm (UTC)
Poor Avon!
6th-Feb-2009 03:07 pm (UTC)
Yes. Poor boy. It's no wonder he has a strong negative reaction to people who try to bully him.
6th-Feb-2009 04:49 pm (UTC)
*giggle* That is SO him. :^)
6th-Feb-2009 04:52 pm (UTC)
Isn't it? He's wonderful. I hope he stays. It would definitely make working here a little more bearable.
6th-Feb-2009 05:06 pm (UTC)
He's decorative and useful!
6th-Feb-2009 05:12 pm (UTC)
He's Avon.
6th-Feb-2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
That says it all.
6th-Feb-2009 07:41 pm (UTC)
Oh crap, so many of those applied to managers I've had. I feel more like crying than laughing.
6th-Feb-2009 07:45 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I know what you mean. It's why I love having Avon at the office. His snide, caustic remarks hit the spot just when I needed them.
6th-Feb-2009 07:57 pm (UTC)
Yeah, but if you ever voice them, you're in trouble, not respected. I hate office hierarchies.
6th-Feb-2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
Yes, me too. It's why I love Avon. He wouldn't care, he'd just say it. Something most of us would never do.
8th-Feb-2009 05:36 am (UTC)
So did you take a nap at the keyboard?
These work so well in canon too!
8th-Feb-2009 06:10 am (UTC)
They would work well in canon.

Avon will only admit that they do sound alot like something he would say.
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