May 14th, 2009

Avon Prisoner

Journal Entry: Management Speak

Talked to the idiot manager today. More wasted hours of my day that I will never be able to get back. But on a bright note, completed the third rule of idiotic project management.

Crash Course in Management Speak

"I don't totally disagree with you, but..."   
                   translation  = You may be right, but I don't care. We're going to do it my way.
"You have to show some flexibility."   
                   translation = You have to do it  whether you have to or not.
"We have to leverage our resources."   
                   translation = You're working weekends.
"Wrong answer."   
                   translation = I don't care what the right answer is. You didn't tell me what I want to hear.
"We want you to be the executive champion of this project."   
                   translation = I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.
"I have never lied to you."   
                   translation = My definition of truth changes constantly.
"Human resources."  
                   translation = A bulk commodity, like lentils or troopers."