May 10th, 2009

Avon Mysterious

Journal Entry: The Idiot's Guide to Project Management, Rule #1

Note: Late post because I've barely had time to breathe the last three days. This is from three days ago.

First Rule of Idiotic Project Management: There's never enough time to do it right the first time but there's always enough time to go back and do it again.

If the fool of a manager had listened to me in the first place, he wouldn't be in the mess he is in now. I warned him at the beginning that crowding the same amount of work into half the time, with the same number of people would never work. People have to sleep. Eating would also be helpful.

Now I have to bail him out. I do not see how a lack of planning on his part should constitute an emergency for me.
Avon barely amused

Journal Entry: Idiotic Project Management "Works" Idiotically

I've been staring at this computer for three days straight trying to fix the idiot's mess. Finally pulled off a miracle. Now the idiot manager is being hailed as the project 'savior'.

How can anyone possibly think this fool is successful? Half the time he relies on pure luck, despite an incredible lack of anything resembling brains. The rest of the time, people (namely me) bail him out of messes he's made in the first place.

My reward? A day at the physical rehab centre for stress and because I can't stand up without feeling as if someone is stabbing me in the back.

How is that reasonable? I'm beginning to think that the best place in the universe is to be on a planet with no people. Then I wouldn't have to put up with such stupidity and lack of logic. Expecting human beings to be rational or equitable is a dream best left to the insane.

On the positive side, came up with the second rule of idiotic project management.

The 7 Phases of a Project (or Project Cycles for Idiots)

1. Wild enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Confusion
4. Panic (Accompanied by frantic midnight call to resident genius to fix the mess.)
5. Search for the guilty
6. Punishment of the innocent.
7. Promotion of the clueless. (Three guesses on who that would be, if you need them.)