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PicoWriMo Post Day 3 
3rd-Nov-2008 03:23 pm
This is today's bit.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
707 / 5,000

Part 1, Part 2

The Name is Avon, Part 3

Avon preferred his locked-room mysteries to not have legs. Unfortunately, his client did.

She had said that her name was Cally, no last name, which was a sure sign that he was headed for trouble. Avon said, "Explain to me why someone would want me to stay away from you?"

She gave him a smile that could have started a fire in a room full of alligators singing off-key. And she was the soprano. "I make you nervous, don't I?"

"Stop evading the question," he told her.

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Or you don't want to tell me?" he asked.

"I can't tell you."

This mystery was developing like two heads on a donkey having a communication problem. Avon wanted one of them to talk. He didn't care which one.

"I don't like being kept in the dark. "

"Please don't ask. It would be too dangerous if I told you. I just need you to find out where my sister is. Before it's too late."

Avon said, "When someone asks you to do something, it's always best to ask what else is involved. I find that it makes for far fewer unpleasant surprises in the end, for both of us."

Cally said, "That's a very cynical attitude."

"I'm a realist."

"I'm sure people call you quite a few other things."

Sometimes Avon found himself staring at his client for no reason. She was as beautiful as a diamond on a summer day and as mysterious as tea on toast. "You must be a mind reader, Cally with no last name. What are you trying to hide?"

Cally smiled. "You really must stop trying to flirt with me."

"You're mistaken. I am doing no such thing and if you think otherwise, perhaps you require services other than that of a detective."

"Oh no. I need you."

3rd-Nov-2008 08:53 pm (UTC)
Ha! But what happened to part 2. I was going to check back to see what happened and how it connects with this.

Avon preferred his locked-room mysteries, to not have legs
No comma needed.
3rd-Nov-2008 09:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks. The link is fixed now.
3rd-Nov-2008 10:51 pm (UTC)
So are these unconnected snapshots in a private eye's life, then?
3rd-Nov-2008 10:54 pm (UTC)
Snapshots, yes. Unconnected, no.

It is part of the same mystery he is solving for Cally, except you only see bits of it, other parts you have to infer from what happens in the next scene.
3rd-Nov-2008 11:11 pm (UTC)
Ah, OK. My synapses are clogged.
4th-Nov-2008 12:16 am (UTC)
I like the idea of Cally as a locked room mystery.
4th-Nov-2008 08:35 am (UTC)
Great first line - and I love the bit about the alligators.

If you don't mind some concrit...
This mystery was developing like two heads on a donkey, having a communication problem.

No comma needed between donkey and having.
4th-Nov-2008 01:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I don't mind at all. Fixed now.
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