1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He
received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing 10 tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the
man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come
out & give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist & forced him to drive to 2 different automated
teller machines, during which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money
from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kiwk Stop & asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk & worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up & grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When
detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant & her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is
this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted. "This
is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard
King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without
a weapon. King used a thumb & a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
8. THE GRAND FINALE! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating
were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
their brand new 22-foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone
there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition: The engine ran fine,
the out-drive went up & down and the propeller was the correct size &
pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check
underneath. He came up choking on water from laughing so hard. They
still had the trailer attached to the bottom of the boat.